When People Don't Want to Hear the Truth
Think about the last time you tried to share your point of view — and you pretty much got shut down on the spot.
Think about the last time you tried to share your point of view — and you pretty much got shut down on the spot.
I know in my audience that is common.
You’ve told me, for example, that you’ve tried to speak to your loved ones about health issues, certain political issues, lifestyle concerns and more.
And you’re shut down and shut out of the conversation.
Worse: your point of view is dismissed as fringe, extreme and controversial. And worst of all: your perspective might be maligned or ridiculed.
I’ve experienced all of that — and you have too.
Would you like to hear what I have to say about this?
Hint: I just gave you the key to unlock the whole box… 🥰
Watch for my simple steps to help you share your point of view with out getting shut down:
In other words, you need to first find out if the other person actually wants to hear your opinion at all!
I’m getting ahead of myself here — but that really is the bottom line:
There is no sense in sharing your point of view with a person who doesn’t want to hear it.
It doesn’t mean your point of view isn’t valid.
It doesn’t mean that the other person is rejecting you.
They are rejecting what your point of view represents: that they might be “wrong” or uninformed, or ill-informed, or embarrassed or defensive — or a mix of all that and more.
The fact is, if another person doesn’t want to hear your opinion, there’s no sense in offering it.
Even the Bible says you should not cast your pearls before swine.
(I‘m not saying the other person is swine, but you get my point. 😂)
So How Exactly Do You Get Someone To (Really) Listen to You?
Of course, no one can control another person’s behavior.
We can’t make someone want to hear our point of view.
But, we can create the conditions that make it much more likely that the other person will be willing to listen.
Here’s exactly how to pave the way for a smoother path.
(1) Ask them for THEIR point of view — and set a short time limit.
It looks like this: “So what do you think about [topic]? Can you explain/share in a minute or two?
The reason why this is so powerful is because you have eliminated the concern that this conversation (confrontation?) will go on and on.
The time limit makes the conversation much more doable.
And the fact that you are letting the other person share first is very powerful.
In fact this becomes your superpower, in two ways:
- you get to hear and understand their point of view (so you can better reply when you share your point of view)
- It allows the other person to be heard — without interruption.
That leads up to the next point:
(2) Listen and show that you are paying attention.
Nod your head, have a pleasant expression on your face. I call it “cheerful curiosity.”
Say things like, “I see”— “Yes”— “Go on”— “What else?”
Remember: you don’t have to agree with someone to simply hear and accept what they have to say.
No interrupting!
This is the secret sauce: You are giving the other person the platform to share their point of view, without interrupting.
This models for them courtesy, respect and attention — the exact things you would like to experience when (or if!) you share your point of view.
Key: Don’t refute what they have to say. Simply listen, listen, listen attentively and politely until they’re out of gas and until they have nothing else to say.
(3) Summarize what they have told you.
You can even use their exact words to reflect back what they have said.
This step is pure gold because it shows the person that you have heard them.
And hey — we all want to be heard, right?
So that brings us to the next step:
(4) Ask if they would like to hear your point of view.
A simple statement such as: “Can I take a minute or two and give you my perspective?”
Or: “Would you like to hear my point of view for a minute or two?”
KEY: You are checking to see if they are willing to hear you.
Also: you are setting a time limit so they don’t think you are going to go on and on.
Note: This technique really only works with rational, reasonable people. If you are dealing with someone who is rude, bombastic, domineering or a narcissist, they might not play nice.
The person has two choices:
- They can say “Sure, go ahead..” And even if they are not really listening, at least they opened the door for you to speak.
- Or, they can say, “No I really don’t want to talk about it” or something along those lines.
Then at least you know you do not have a willing audience. Do don’t waste your breath!
Or as the Bible says, Don’t cast your pearls before swine.
The reason that asking if they want to hear your point of view works so well is because you are gently putting the other person on the spot.
If they say yes — well, here’s your chance!
And if they say no, we’ll at least you know where you stand.
BONUS: I recommend also saying, “Great! Can you give me the floor for a minute or two — and then reflect back to me what I’ve said? You know, like I did for you?” 🥰
And now you are gently educating them on the cordial communication style that actually works.
If the person starts to interrupt you or argue with you while you’re talking, you can politely remind them that you didn’t interrupt but let them speak.
Remember: these steps work only with with rational, reasonable people.
At the end of the day…
It’s nearly impossible to change another person’s point of view.
They may have many reasons for rejecting what you have to say.
Contentious conversations might bring up old hurts, resentments and rejections.
I wouldn’t take it personally.
In fact, what really matters is that you believe your point of view.
You don’t have to convince anyone of anything.
The Best “Go Paid” Deal on Substack! You Get REAL Stuff!!
Go paid at the $5 a month level, and we will send you both the PDF and e-Pub versions of Etienne’s new book: To See the Cage Is to Leave It - 25 Techniques the Few Use to Control the Many and a coupon code for 10% off anything in the https://artofliberty.org/store/.
Go paid at the $50 a year level, and we will send you a free paperback edition of Etienne’s new book: To See the Cage Is to Leave It - 25 Techniques the Few Use to Control the Many OR “Government” - The Biggest Scam in History… Exposed! OR a 64GB Liberator flash drive if you live in the US. If you are international, we will give you a $10 credit towards shipping if you agree to pay the remainder.
Support us at the $250 Founding Member Level and get a signed high-resolution hardcover of “Government” - The Biggest Scam in History... Exposed! + Liberator flash drive + a signed high-resolution hardcover of Etienne’s new book: To See the Cage Is to Leave It - 25 Techniques the Few Use to Control the Many + everything else in our “Everything Bundle” of the best in voluntaryist thought delivered domestically. International pays shipping. Our only option for signed copies besides catching Etienne @ an event.
Comments ()